On a sunny Wednesday afternoon earlier this year, I was in my office chipping away at a list of to-dos when a message popped up on my phone. It was from a sweet woman at my parish. She was asking if I’d be willing to join a ministry that needed additional help. “Pray about it and let me know. We’d love to have you join us!” she wrote.
I put my phone down and sighed. I paused for a moment and noticed a tightness in my chest as my brain started to move just a little bit faster. I want to say yes but can I really add another thing to my plate right now? What if I pray about it and God says no? Oh no! What If I pray about it and God says yes? I sighed again. I had too much to accomplish before the end of the workday to worry about this any longer. “I’ll pray about it and get back to you by this weekend” I typed.
On the evening of the following day, I hopped in my car and drove to church. As I drove, there it was. The overwhelm looming over the horizon, surely clinging to the coattails of tomorrow, ready to creep in. I was skeptical about adding another thing to my already full week. The ministry in question would require about an hour commitment each week and would last for at least the next year. The work itself was simple, but the time required was recurring and necessary. The people-pleasing part of me wanted to say yes, as did the helpful, caring, and reverent parts of me. Another part of me, the part that sometimes feels extremely busy and uncertain of the worth of it all, wanted to say no. I pulled into the church parking lot unsure of what God would say, or if he would say anything at all.
In the dim light of the Adoration chapel the cool air glided across my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I knelt in external silence as my mind chattered non-stop. Knowing I needed to quiet my spirit, I pulled out my rosary and began to pray. I settled into the rhythm of the mysteries and the reflection, the repetition calming my heart with each passing bead. Finally, I sat back in the pew, knees a little sore, soul a little more at peace, and asked God for a heart-to-heart.
In the stillness, I found the answer I needed, and the answers I didn’t know I needed:
“I just don’t think I have time, God” I admitted.
“You don’t” He said. “But I do. I have all the time in the world, and I’ve given some of it to you. Let me show you how to spend it.”
“But it’s only an hour, and I don’t know if I’ll even be any good at it. I don’t even know if I’m the right person for the task at hand” I contended.
I could feel God smile and pierce my heart as he assured me that He can do so much with so little. He can do in an hour what would take man hundreds of years. What might take me a whole lifetime to accomplish, He can do in one moment. “You have so much time. More time than you realize. Your days are full, but are they fruitful? And don’t worry about being worthy. I can fill in the gaps where you lack – I always do. If you would just unclench your fist even the tiniest bit and give me just a grain of the time you think you don’t have, I can do so much.”
. . .
There is peace in surrendering your time to God. There is beauty in the letting go. I said yes to joining the ministry and have been at it for a few weeks now. To my surprise, in just a few short weeks I’ve discovered that the cloud of overwhelm that I was sure was looming over the horizon was actually a wave of repose waiting to crash to the shore. I now look forward to that hour of work each week – the hour I didn’t think I had and the work I didn’t think I could do. An hour spent entirely serving another has somehow become a source of rejuvenation for me. God’s pretty neat like that – taking what we see as “not enough” and making it more than we hoped it would be – loaves and fish.
As we grow in our relationship with God, live out our vocations, and simply exist in this world, so often we find ourselves scraping the bottom of the barrel. We find ourselves asked to do things we’re not sure we can, spend time that we’re not sure we have, show patience when we’d rather not…This is the reality of our lives as wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends. When we spend our time on our own terms, when we rely on only what we think we can give, we often end up wasting time and falling short in an endless cycle of restlessness and exhaustion.
God has called each of us, dear sisters in Christ, to a life greater and more fruitful than we can imagine. He has gifted us each day, each moment, to enjoy and endure. We can glorify Him and give Him thanks for this gift of time by asking Him to teach us how to spend it. I’m in a season of life right now that allows me a lot of freedom in my schedule and even so, I am so often selfish with my time. Over the past few months, I’ve been working on being a better steward of the time God has given me. Less Facebook and more prayer, less Netflix and more service, less noise and more holy silence. Letting go of my need to spend every second of my time how I want to spend it and a few more inches of abandonment to God’s schedule for me has been so impactful. I still waste time, I have a long way to go, but I waste less than I use to. I spend a lot more time resting in the presence of God and listening to His wisdom, just like I did that day in Adoration when I wasn’t sure if I should join a new ministry or not. And those moments of resting at the feet of Jesus bring me so much clarity and strength.
“God is there in these moments of rest and can give us in a single instant exactly what we need.”– St. Theresa Benedicta of the Cross
In the middle of the busyness of your life this week, how can you give God a little more of your time? Is He calling you to rely on his strength as you take on something new? Or, perhaps, is He inviting you to rest in Him in prayer so you can be renewed for the tasks He’s already called you to do?
I encourage you to take this to prayer this week and ask God “Show me how to spend your time Lord and show me how to spend time with you.”
Note from the Author: This blog post was originally written for Women at the Well and was published on their blog in July of 2022. Women at the Well is a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting and empowering Catholic women to grow in Faith + Community. Women at the Well has been such a blessing in my life. Check them out at Women at the Well to find out how you can bring Women at the Well to your parish!
